Tuesday, August 6, 2013

I know that it's been weeks... and it's technically not Tuesday anymore. Sorry!

Title: This Move Is Difficult
Word Count: 141
Story Notes: I wrote this a few months ago, back when we were talking about moving to Oregon. I don't actually think my mom plans on leaving New York any more, but we are going to Portland next Tuesday to check things out. The thing is, I want to leave New York - but it's so damn hard thinking of all the things I'll have to leave behind. It makes me sick when I consider how much I have to give up if I really want to be free of this damn state.

I’ve got a new haircut
I can’t stop touching it
I love the way she cuts my hair
I give her free reign
It comes out amazing every time
Soon I’ll leave New York
Soon I’ll have to find someone else
To cut my hair
I know it doesn’t seem like much
But it feels like a lot
I’m tired but can’t sleep
My mind keeps racing
I’ve been told I have to choose wisely
What I will bring when we leave
What does that mean?
Do I need to shed every bit of my old life?
My books, my records, my movies
All left in New York
Nothing but me in Oregon
If we even go to Oregon
Mom has a fickleness about her
And I’m only moving because of her
I’m having second thoughts about leaving

Don’t tell anyone

Monday, July 15, 2013

I'm posting a bit early because I don't want to forget later.

Title: At Night, I die
Word Count: 83
Story Notes: Another poem I wrote during one of my really bad times. I like this one; it's sad, but it contains hope... kind of.

At night, I die
Only to be born again in morning
The warmth of the sun
Brings life back to my body
Alive at least, I cry out in pain
Such agony in life
That I cannot be thankful in its return
Fleetingly, I wish for death
For oblivion
I ponder my existence
And wonder if existing in pain is better
Than not existing at all
I choose to exist
I live in pain
I exist in pain
And at night, I die

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Less Than Shadows

Title: Less Than Shadows
Word Count: 58
Story Note: The thing about depression is that sometimes you just get so freaking lost. Like you'll never find your way out of this dark fog. That you'll never be able to be yourself again because that person is gone. That the world is going to end. That's what this is about.

Lying in my bed at night
I get the strangest feeling that
The day will never come again

The moon is hidden in thick fog
It shines no light into my room
The world outside is less than shadows

I remember being told

That the stars would guide me home
But I’m already home and still so lost

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

I need help

My page view counter says that people actually come to this blog (but no one ever subscribes or comments?) so I'm just going to post this here.


I am in desperate need of help funding a life saving treatment for my depression. I have been going to treatments for 3 weeks and they seem to be working, but they cost $400 out of pocket for each one and I go 5 days a week. My mom is paying for them with the money she has put aside for her old age.  Even if you can’t afford to donate, sharing this would be awesome. Please help me get the word out. I need this treatment. I have been suicidally depressed for years and TMS is saving my life.

Any donation will help or, if you can't afford it just sharing it to friends or on a social network would be awesome.

If you have Tumblr, this is the link for the current post http://newslang06.tumblr.com/post/53859250202/help-support-life-saving-depression-treatment

Thank You.

I missed a week again. Sorry!

Title: Tonight The Moon
Word Count: 47
Story Notes: A few years ago, weeks before I had a nervous breakdown, I had done an internship at a nursing home in the Bronx. At the end of the week, someone was coming to pick me up. I sat in the waiting room bored out of my mind and maybe a little melancholy that what had turned out to be a great week had ended. I wrote this poem there. 

Tonight the moon was beautiful
Now it’s hidden behind clouds
At one time there were stars here
But they've all twinkled out
At sunset the air was warm
Now icy wind has blown
And all my friends have gone to sleep
And left me all alone 

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Oh man! It's been a month. Oops.

Title: Empty
Word Count: 74
Story notes:  Another poem about symptoms of my depression. I quite like this one.

I’m cold and empty
Nothing more than
A lonely shadow
It’s the greatest pain
One so familiar
The feeling of feeling
Nothing at all
It settles deep
Within my being
It weighs heavy
Against my soul
Nothing there
But everything, all the same
Bottled up
Struggling to break free
Sometimes I scream
Into my pillow
I don’t want anyone
To hear my pain
The pain of nothing
Of being cold

And very, very empty

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Title: Of Rain And Work
Word Count: 111
Story Notes: Another poem written about my job. It eats away at me constantly but I can't exactly find a way that I can quit. 

It’s raining tonight
I thought I’d be asleep by now
Just a few hours ago,
My eyelids were so heavy
But sleep evades me yet again
The rain is a constant noise
The air inside is chilled
This house is never the right temperature
Always too hot or too cold
She groans from her bedroom
She loves to complain
I don’t think she really needs anything
She just wants to know that someone cares
I can sympathize
Maybe that’s why I haven’t quit
If it were warmer, I’d love to go out in the rain
It’s freeing to stand there and let it downpour around you
I could use freeing tonight